Hi Guys and Girls,
So some of you may know I suffer with my mental health, the past few months I’ve been at the top of my game. Literally not a lot phases me much or sets me back to where I was this time last year. I admit I’ve come a long way and I am proud of it, but lately it’s been niggling at me, day by day. Maybe it’s just me overthinking things, I do that from time to time. Maybe it is my mental health creeping back up on me reminding me in the back of my mind that it’s still there, toying with me and my broken past. The past few weeks I’ve been second guessing myself, questioning every action and decision I make. Questioning if I’m good enough, if I deserve to be in people’s lives, if I’m strong enough to be there for my friends and family when it matters most.

I guess the point of this post is for me, an open letter to myself, from me too me:
Dear Alastair,

I remember the lonely empty person you were twelve months ago, a shadow of a person you once were. You spent days, weeks confined to a room, laying there in silence, ignoring everything and everyone while you contemplated cutting your wrists and ending it all. Depression ate at you, starved you of life. You have come a very, VERY long way. 

Now I know it’s hard right now, I know it seems your world has crashed down and that demon in the back of your mind is trying to get his grip back to the forefront of your brain. Let me tell you something. You are strong, you have mastered your darkness. You know darkness isn’t entirely good nor evil, it is an essence, an element you uncovered and delved into to find every part of yourself worth living and fighting for. You saved yourself from a different fate and you are still here. Stars cannot shine without darkness, you told yourself that over and over for months, it gave you strength when you had none. So cage the demon back to where it belongs, in a pit of nothingness. It get’s better. 

You are not defined by what people think of you. Rumours, opinions of bitter people, do not define you. Pity them because they clearly don’t realise that everyone is fighting a different battle everyday that no one may even know about. You are an amazing friend, you do so much for people without asking for anything back. Kindness costs nothing (thank you mum for that lesson). 

I know sometimes you feel alone, like your being overbearing, but you matter. People do actually care, just be patient with them. You’ll see you’re just being a worry wart and stressing over mediocre things that that lovely demon will enjoy feeding on and fueling negative thoughts into your mind again. 

You have a lot of people surrounding you, people you may often forget about because life get’s busy, we’re all adults, we work a lot. You have so much more of life to see, places you’ve never seen. You need to enjoy every moment, because life is so much more than a small town. 

Take risks, fall in love, enjoy it.

Life’s a climb, it will always be a challenge but the view will be great when you get there. I promise. 

Now smile, read a book and know you are stronger than ever before,

Alastair x

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